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Today's stories [3.24.13]

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Safeway has made a $1.7 billion offer for Vons markets.
Says Bob Mills, "The amount of the bid became public
after a checkout clerk was overheard yelling 'Price check
on the company!'"

He adds, "the original offer was $2 billion, but then Safeway
pulled out a huge stack of double-value coupons." 


Tonya Harding supposedly saved an 81-year-old woman's life
at the Lost and Found Bar in Portland by performing CPR on
her (the medics said the woman had merely fainted). Says
Jay Leno: "And I guess out of force of habit she performed
mouth-to-mouth on three bikers at the pool table, too." 


Cloning Update:

The scientists responsible for the first successful cloning
of a mammal say it took years of trial and error. Which is why you
never hear songs by Kennys A through F. 


BONUS! A random story from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

This guy was playing a game of texas holdem poker and had already lost 300 dollars when suddenly he looked down, and just next to the table he sees a little green leprechaun.
"Jus quit playing poker right now and I will give you a million dollars worth in a pot full of gold said the little green gentlemen.
The player replied, sure "just Let me get even first."

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