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Today's jokes [3.29.13]

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What's the difference between a duck and a cow? 

They both swim, except for the cow.

1. 




There's an elderly man and woman sitting in the sunroom of a retirement 
home. The old man says to the woman, "For five dollars, I'll have sex 
with you on that rocking chair over there. For ten dollars, I'll have sex 
with you on that couch. But for twenty dollars, I'll take you to my room, 
light a few candles and give you a romantic evening of passion you'll 
never forget."

The woman considers it a moment and then, after fishing through her 
purse, produces a twenty dollar bill. The man says, "So, you want the 
romantic night in my room, eh?" 

The woman replies, "No, I want four times in the rocker."

2. 




A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband 
stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Oh.  Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked.  "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

3. 




What did the Jewish pedophile ask the little girl? 

- "Hey, little girl, you want to buy some candy?"

4. 




A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, 
their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they 
made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they 
fell asleep, awakening around 8.00 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, 
he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the 
grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. 

He slipped into his shoes and drove home. 
 
Where have you been!" demanded his wife when he entered the house. 
 
"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my 
secretary, and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and 
didn't wake up until 8.00 p.m." 
 
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! 
You've been playing golf!!"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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