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Today's jokes [3.21.13]

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Why did the blonde crash her plane when landing?

Because the runway was only 25ft long, but a mile wide.

1. 




Why did the blonde return her new scarf?

It was too tight.

2. 




What do Germans use for birth control?

Their personalities!

3. 




What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?

The bucket.

4. 




I once wrote a book called How to Keep an Idiot Entertained for Hours. It
went like this: To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the next
sentence. To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the previous
sentence." It didn't sell very well. I thought with the short attention
span of people these days it may have been too long, so I rewrote it. The
2nd edition went: "To keep an idiot busy for hours, re-read this sentence."
It's doing pretty good. I have a deal for the sequel. The 3rd edition is
going to go: "Re-read this line." Now, if I could just find the time to
write it.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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