Today's jokes [3.10.13]
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"Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only gladwrap for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of
them are Bush fans. Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to
be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy -
The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says,
"I'm not a Bush fan."
The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Bush fan?"
Johnny says, "I'm a John F. Kerry fan." The teacher asks why he's a Kerry
fan. The boy says, "Well, my mom's a Kerry fan, and my Dad's a Kerry fan,
so I'm a Kerry fan!"
The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, "What if
you're Mom was a moron, and you're dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"
Johnny says, "That would make me a Bush fan."
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on.
He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she
knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and
you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her
and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again
with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind
me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting
at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, "Let me buy you a drink
to show my appreciation for your help." He started a conversation and asked
her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he
was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."
"No, I wouldn't," he said.
She said, "I sell tampons."
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet paper
salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!"
One day, Mr. Phillard rushed his pregnant wife over to the hospital. As the
doctors were prepping his wife, Mr. Phillard's idiot brother Bill arrived
to watch the birth. But when Mr. Phillard saw the blood and everything
else, he fainted. When Mr. Phillard woke up he was in a bed with the doctor
standing above him.
"Mr. Phillard," the doctor said, "you are in the recovery room. Don't
worry, your wife is fine and she had twins, a boy and a girl. Because you
were unconscious and your wife was still under anaesthesia, she requested
that your brother Bill name the kids."
"What! My brother, the idiot! I can't believe you let him! What did he name
"He named your daughter Denise."
"Hey, not bad! I underestimated my brother. What did he name my son?"
"He named your son Denephew."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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