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Today's jokes [2.8.13]

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Little Tommy is at the zoo on a school visit and he spots a deer. Being a 
city kid he's never seen one before and so he asks his teacher, "What's 
that, Miss?"
Miss decides to play a word game with him and says, "That's what your 
Daddy calls Mummy, Tommy."
Tommy thinks for a moment and then says, "I'm not stupid Miss, I know that 
ain't a fucking pig!"


What's the worst thing about having to kiss Grandma?
When the damn coffin lid falls and hits you in the head.


Jill, a love-starved spinster, was so desperate that she went to
a local newspaper office and inquired about putting an advertisement
in the 'Lonely Hearts' column.
"Well, madam," the assistant said, "we charge a minimum of $1 per 
"You don't say," said the spinster "Well then, here's $20 and to hell
with the advertisement!"


A fellow was shipwrecked with six lovely women who
in a short time were fighting over his attentions.
They held a meeting to resolve the problem and
decided that each would have his services on a
different day of the week, with Sundays off for him. 

In due time the guy was dragging himself through the
week, looking forward to Sunday. 

As he lay an the beach one day he saw a dot floating
on the sea which as it got closer turned out to be a
man on a raft. With his last ounce of strength he
swam out, pulled the raft ashore, gave the occupant
CPR and as he came around said to him; "Oh man, am
I ever glad to see you! 

"Goodness gracious, am I ever glad to see you too"
said the raft rider in a swishy way.

With a shrug of resignation the guy said... "Oh damn,
there goes my Sundays!" 


The daughter of an Indian chief visits his doctor. She tells the doctor 
"Big Chief no fart." The doctor tells her to give him three pills a day. 
The girl comes back the next day and tells the doctor, "Big Chief no 
fart." The doctor then gets really worried and tells her to give him ten 
pills an hour. The girl comes back the next day and says, "Big Chief no 
fart." After hearing this the doctor gets so pissed off that he tells her 
to give him a jar an hour. The next day the girl comes back crying and 
says "Big fart no Chief!" 


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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