Today's jokes [2.7.13]
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Why do blondes like lightning? They think someone is taking their
A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches.
When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his
poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his
migraines and STILL no improvement.
"Listen," says the Doctor, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm
going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school,
but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have
a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a
while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can
stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I
get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is
killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the
headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and
see me in six weeks."
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took
your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for
17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"
"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."
"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "you have a REALLY nice house."
Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not
gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only
yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging
her to get back into the world.
Finally, Sadie says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.
Her daughter immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for
you to meet." Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one
another and after dating for six weeks he asks her to join him
for a weekend in the Catskills. And we know what that meant.
One room and the normal follow up to that. Their first night
there she undresses as he does. There she stood nude
except for a pair of black lacy panties. He in his birthday suit.
Looking at her he asks "Why the panties?"
She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to
explore, but down there I am still in mourning," He knows he's
not getting lucky that night. The following night the same
scenario. She standing there with the black panties on and he
in his birthday suit; except that he has an erection on which he
has a black condom.
She looks at him and asks, "What's with this... a black
He replies, "I'm going to offer my condolences."
A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue
across the street from each other. Since their schedules
intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car.
So they did. They drove it home and parked it in the
street between their establishments.
A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the
priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need
a wash, so he ran out and asked the priest what he was
doing. "I'm blessing it" the priest replied.
The rabbi replied "Oh," then he ran back into the synagogue.
He reappeared a few minutes later with a hack saw, ran to the
car and cut off the last 2 inches of the tailpipe.
A prostitute goes to the hospital to visit a colleague who is about to
have a heart transplant. She's worried about the friend so she asks the
doctor: Girlfriend: I'm worried about my friend doc, what if her body
rejects the organ?
Doctor: Well she's 36 years old and healthy. How long has she been in
Girlfriend: She's been working since she was 19 years old but what does
that have to do with anything?
Doctor: Well she's been working 17 years and hasn't rejected an organ yet!
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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