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Today's jokes [2.3.13]

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What did Chelsea say when Hillary asked if she had sex yet?

"Not according to Dad."


A man brings his wife a glass of water and two aspirins. She
looks surprised and says, I don't have a headache!"
He says, "Aha!"


Two men are meeting on the street.
"It was very cold this morning."
"How cold was it?"
I do not no exactly, but I saw a lawyer
with his hands in his own pockets."


Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. Men will screw anything!


   Mr. Jones had hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very
   polite. While taking
   dictation one morning, she noticed that his fly was open. Upon leaving
   the room she said,
   "Mr. Jones, your barracks door is open."
   He was puzzled by her remark, but later that day he noticed that his
   zipper was open. So,
   he decided to have a little fun with his secretary and called her back
   into his office. "By the
   way Miss Smith," he said, "When you noticed my barracks door open this
   morning, did
   you also notice a soldier standing at attention ?"
   "Why no sir," she replied, "All I saw was a little disabled veteran
   sitting on two duffel


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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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