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Today's jokes [2.26.13]

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Two nuns turn up at the fruit market and ask the veggie man for 120 
cucumbers. The guy advises: "Sisters, if you buy 3 crates, that's 150, 
you'll get a 25% discount !" The nuns look at each other, and after a 
prolonged period of thinking one whispers to the other:
"We could eat the 30, I suppose."


        Tell someone you can pin a glass of water to the wall --
        a real glass, not a paper cup, using an ordinary straight
        pin.  Naturally they won't believe, so you set out to
        prove it.

        Get a glass of water and a pin.  Hold the glass up to the
        wall and start to pin it up.  And then drop the pin.
        You've got the glass in position just right, so you ask
        your victim real nice to get the pin for you.  When they
        bend down to pick it up, dump the water on their head.

This works especially well when there's a crowd of people watching.
It can also be very dangerous for the joker, so be careful if you
try it.


This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night and after 
a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix 
her husband dinner when he gets home from work. Well, one 
Thursday, she's playing a great game and she has an incredible 
hand when she notices the time. 

"Oh, no! I have to go fix my husband his dinner! He's going to 
be so angry if it's not ready on time." And she dashes out of her 
friend's house, her great hand forgotten on the table.

When she gets home, she realizes she has very little time, not 
enough time to go to the supermarket, and all she has in the 
cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. 
In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg, and 
garnishes it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband is pulling 

She watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner, and then 
she realizes he is loving it! "Mmmm, darling, this is the best 
dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You 
can make this for me any old day, mmmmm!" And that night 
they had sex for the first time in months and it was great!

Needless to say, every Thursday from then on, she made this 
dinner for her husband. She tells her bridge cronies about it and 
they are all horrified.

"You're going to kill him," they say, or "He's just yanking your 
chain," but she continued to make him his cat food dinner and 
then, afterwards, they would bonk like fiends.

Two months later, her husband died and all the bridge women 
the Thursday after the funeral attacked our new widow for being 
so callous. "You killed him! We told you that feeding him that 
cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit 
there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your 

The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him. He fell off the mantel 
when he was licking his ass."


A belligerent drunk walks into a bar and hollers:
"I can lick any man in the place!"
The nearest customer looks him up and down,
then says: "Crude, but direct. Tell me, is this your
first time in a gay bar?"


What do you call a gay Indian? 

    A brave sucker! 


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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