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Today's jokes [2.25.13]

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A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly. After long hours of effort, 
he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until 
reaches heavily into the ground with a hard knock over his shell.
After recovering his consciousness, he starts to climb the tree again, 
jumps again, and knocks the ground heavily again.
The little turtle insisted again and again after each knock, while a 
couple of birds sitting at the edge of a branch, looking the turtle with 
pain..suddenly the female bird says to the male: "Hey dear, I think it's 
time to tell our little turtle he is adopted." 

1. 




A psychology student at a local university was sent on a field
assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital.

The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls
everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered
"When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro."

The second patient was locked in his room throwing baseballs
everywhere. When asked why he said "When I get out of here I
going to be a professional baseball player."

The student thought he was starting to get the hang of things,
until he looked in on the third patient. There locked in the
middle of the room was a naked man, masturbating with a peanut
on the end of his penis. The student asked, "I understand about
the others, but what are you going to be when you get out of here?"

"They're never going to let me out of here," the patient
said "I'm f**king nuts!" 

2. 




Q. What do a hurricane, a tornado, and a
   redneck divorce all have in common? 

A. Someone's going to lose their trailer... 

3. 




A youngster devoted an entire rainy indoors afternoon to a
drawing he was doing with varicolored crayons. His mother
finally looked over his shoulder, and, puzzled, asked "Who's
that you're drawing, son?"
The son answered, "God."
"Don't be silly," reproved the mother. "Nobody knows what God
looks like."
Not even pausing in his task, the son announced calmly,
"They will when I'm finished!" 

4. 




    Three people were standing on the Titanic, An American, a
   Brit and an belgian. It was almost sinking. The captain told everyone
   to go into the liveboats. The Brit yelled "Women and children first".
   The American said "Screw the women and children" and the Belgian
   answered "Huh, do we have enough time left to do that?"


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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