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Today's jokes [2.23.13]

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During training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy
back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a 
red faced colonel at the wheel.  "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked
the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.

"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the
keys, "*Yours* is."

1. 




A young girl is with her dad at the barbers eating some
candy, when it slips from her fingers into a pile of hair
on the floor. 
"Oh dear, have you got hair on your candy?" asked the barber. 
"Don't be so stupid, I'm only three!!" said the girl! 

2. 




At a Texas University, a Professor had been teaching his students human
reproduction. For an exam, one of the questions was: "Female humans are born
with a limited number of eggs, while males, during their lifetime, produce
millions upon millions of sperm. Why are so many sperm produced?" One
young woman's answer: "Because they won't ask for directions either."

3. 




The newlyweds arrived at the front desk of the posh ocean-side resort
   in Hilton Head, South Carolina, looking all fresh, and eager to enjoy
   their two week vacation/honeymoon.
   
   The stunning blonde at the front desk smiled and said, "Well, hi
   Jimmy, how ya been lover ? Long time no see."
   
   A frosty silence prevailed until the couple reached their room. Once
   inside, the piqued bride demanded: "And just who was THAT woman ?!?!?"
   
   The groom wiped his brow and said, "Just relax honey. Please ! I'm
   going to have enuff trouble explaining you to her."


4. 




What's the difference between mono and herpes?

You get mono from from snatching a kiss.... 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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