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Today's jokes [2.16.13]

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For more ahem...adventerous types....

What is "71"?

"69" with two fingers up your ass.

1. 




A young girl is speaking with her father.
"Daddy, what's that between your legs?"
"That's my hedgehog."
"Wow, it's got a massive cock."

2. 




Why is sex like money in the bank?

Because when you withdraw, you lose interest.


Sent by Annette

3. 




Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down 
next to the grieving widow. "How old was your husband?" he 
asked.

"He was ninety-eight," she answered softly. "Two years oder 
than I am."

"Really?" the undertaker said. "Hardly worth going home, 
wouldn't you say?"

4. 




Mike and Keith are playing golf one hot Sunday afternoon.
   While approaching the sixteenth hole, they notice an old golfer teeing up 
   by himself. The two friends stop and wait for the older golfer to finish 
   his hole. After the old man drives the ball a considerable distance down 
   the fairway, he collapses on the green. Mike and Keith run up the fellow 
   to help. After feeling the old man's pulse, Mike tells Keith to run to the 
   club house and call 911.
   Keith leaves and returns about two minutes later after making the
   call. Upon returning Keith, sees the old man naked and bent over a nearby 
   bench. Meanwhile, Mike is screwing the unconscious man vigorously. Keith 
   in astonishment says, "Hey, What are you doing? I thought you were going to
   give him CPR." Mike replies, "Well, it started off that way."


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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