Today's jokes [2.1.13]
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Jessica was toweling off in front of the mirror when she noticed a few
gray pubic hairs. She bent down and said to her privates... "I know
you haven't been getting much lately...but I didn't know you were so
worried about it!"
A jealous husband hires a private detective to check up on his wife. The husband tells the
detective, he wants both a written account and as many videos of her in any kind of
compromising situations as the man can get.
Two weeks later the detective calls the man and tells him he has all the evidence he needs.
They make an appointment for a meeting. The two of them are sitting there watching the videos.
The man sees his wife meeting another man, then the two of them are walking in the park
laughing. Another series shows her with a different man laughing and dancing. All together, he
watches a dozen or so different activities, each with a different man, each time both she and
the man are sharing obvious utter glee.
"Amazing," said the shocked husband, "simply amazing ! I just can't believe it."
"What can't you believe ?" asked the detective, "It's all right there for you to see, plus I
have all the times and dates in my log."
"I know, I know!" said the man, still in shock, "I just can't believe my wife could be that
The company president called the chief security guard into his office.
"Chuck, we've received a complaint from one of the employees that you are
making obscene sexual comments and putting your hands where they don't
belong. These unwanted advances will have to stop." Chuck looked down at
his feet and mumbled, "I'm sorry, Sir. I won't' do it again." The company
president said, "I'm sure Ms. Jones will be happy to hear that." Chuck's
face lit up. "Ms Jones?!!!! I was afraid that Bob in Accounting was
I recently had surgery on my hand, and asked the doctor if,
after surgery, I would be able to play the banjo.
He said, "I'm doing surgery on your hand, not giving you a lobotomy."
"How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set
the man's broken leg.
"Well, doc, 25 years ago ..."
"Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning."
"Like I was saying...25 years ago, when I first started working on the
farm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautiful
daughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything I wanted.
I said no, everything is fine. "Are you sure?", she asked. "I'm sure,
I said. "Isn't there anything I can do for you?" she wanted to know.
"I reckon not" I replied ...
"Excuse me," said the doctor, "What does this story have to do with your leg?"
"Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me what
she meant, I fell off the roof!"
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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