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Today's jokes [12.9.13]

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Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for his wry humor.  He
surpassed himself one summer day when a city dog was brought to him
after an encounter with a porcupine.

After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting and stitching, he
returned the dog to its owner, who asked what she owed.

"Fifteen dollars, Ma'am," he answered.

"Why that's simply outrageous!" she stormed.  "That's what's wrong with
you Maine people, you're always trying to over charge summer visitors.
Whatever do you do in the winter, when we're not being gypped here?"

"Raise porcupines, Ma'am."

1. 




What does a woman do to her asshole in the morning? 

    -Sends him to work.

2. 




Doctor: We operated on your eyes and we've managed to save one of them.

Patient: Oh, thank you very much.

Doctor: Yes, we'll give it to you on your way out.


3. 




Waiter: "How did you find your steak, sir,"? 
Young Man: "Quite accidentally, I assure you. 
I moved that piece of lettuce and there it was." 

4. 




   A drunk goes into a bar sits down and says hey hey bartender can we
   talk about politics
   The bartender says ģIF THERE IS ONE THING WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IN HERE
   IT'S POLITICSī. A little while later hey bartender can we talk about
   religon. Again the
   bartender says" IF THERE'S ONE THING WE DON'T TALK ABOUT IN HERE IT'S
   RELIGON". Then again we hear hey bartender can we talk about sex. The
   bartender says
   SURE. The drunk says good............fuck you!
   


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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