Today's jokes [12.7.13]
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Did you hear about that guy who was tap dancing?
He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
Why do farts smell?
So deaf people can enjoy them too.
One gay man says to the other, did you hear Newt Gingrich is coming out?
"Really?" the second gay man says, "that's amazing!"
The first gay man says, "yeah we're lucky, he's only coming
out of Congress, would you wanna sleep with him?"
Sent by Patrick
How do old people have oral sex?
They talk about it.
When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heaven.
"Sorry, old man," Peter said, "But I can't let you in. You see
the big book here says you committed one unpardonable sin back
in 1978 -- You took the Lord's name in vain during a golf game."
"Oh, yes. I'll never forget that one, and I'm terribly sorry
Peter, but I can explain...", the old golfer blithered.
"Well," said Peter, "You'll have to take it up with The Big Guy."
So Peter led the old golfer down a long golden hallway, to God's
office. "We've got another code 6 here, sir! Says he can explain..."
"So," booms God, "You've been taking my name in vain."
"Only once, your Almighty, Sir. But I can explain!"
"OK. Try me, " replied the Lord.
"Well you see sir, I was playing my best game of golf ever, and
I made it to the 18th hole, and I'd win the tournament if I could
just make par on this hole. I made my shot from the tee, and it
was sailing beautifully, when suddenly the wind shifted, and took
my ball off into the woods, and right behind this enormous oak tree..."
"And that's when you took my name in vain?"
"Oh, no, sir! I just took out my 6 iron and knocked that ball
clear out of the woods with one swing! It was gliding beautifully
toward the green, when suddenly it lost speed, and dropped into
a sand trap, right smack in the middle of a deep hole..."
"So, that is when you took my name in vain?"
"No, not then. I just took out my nine, and with one swing, drove
that ball right onto the green, and it rolled within two inches
of the hole..."
"Don't tell me you missed a goddamn two inch putt!"
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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