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Today's jokes [12.5.13]

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Q: Why was Raggedy Ann thrown out of the toy store?

A: She was caught sitting on Pinocchio's face and shouting
   "Lie lie lie!"


1. 




Tim Shandy stepped into the Warm Spoon, a popular Galway tavern.
To Mike Callahan, the barkeep, Shandy said "Mike, I'll be havin'
three whiskeys."
Callahan set up three glasses and began to pour. "Now, Timothy,
it's not the usual thing for you to ask for three whiskeys. It's
celebratin', you are.
"Ahh, ye know me too well, Micheal, ye do. Truth, and I'm celebrating
me first blow job."
Callahan smiled benevolently and set a fourth glass on the bar.
"Now, that's special," he said. "For an old customer like y'rself,
here's a fourth on the house, so I may be sharin' your celebration
with you."
Shandy shook his head, and replied "'Tis verra kind of ye, Micheal,
but I'm thinkin' if three won't get rid of the taste, four won't
either." 

2. 




A rural Frenchman was on trial for killing his wife when
he found her with a neighbor. Upon being asked why he shot
her instead of her lover, he replied,
"Ah, m'sieur, is it not better to shoot a woman once than a
different man every week?" 

3. 




   A student engineer in the office got engaged some time ago. At her
   wedding, I was reminding her of the first day she wore her ring. None
   of the other women in the office even noticed.
   
   Finally, in sheer and total exasperation, she said "Boy !!! It's so
   warm in here today, I think I'll take off my ring."


4. 




There was this boy in high school that was what you would
consider a nerd. Anyway he had his own lab in the basement
of his home and one night he came up and said "Dad look
what I made." So he poured a flask of fluid into a pot of
soil and instantly grass started to grow.

Of course his dad was really impressed with this and asked
his son if he can make something to make his penis grow.

His son thought for a minute and said that if he did then
dad would have to buy him a convertable.

Dad agreed. 

The next night the son came out of the basement and gave his
dad a vial. The next morning his father came to him and told
him that he had something to show him. They went to the front
yard and the boy saw a cherry red ferrari.

The son looked at his dad and said "I only asked for a convertable."

The dad replied "the convertable is in the garage. The Ferrari is
from your mother." 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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