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Today's jokes [12.29.13]

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"May I take your order?" the waiter asked. 
"Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?" 
"Nothing special sir," he replied. "We just
tell them straight out that they're going to die." 

1. 




A family was having dinner on Mother's Day. For some reason
the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked
what was wrong.
"Nothing," said the woman.
Not buying it, he asked again. "Seriously, what's wrong?"
"Do you really want to know? Well, I'll tell you. I have cooked
and cleaned and fed the kids for 15 years and on Mother's
Day, you don't even tell me so much as "Thank you."
"Why should I?" he said. "Not once in 15 years have I gotten
a Father's Day gift."
"Yes," she said, "but I'm their real mother."

2. 




How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?

When she starts her sentence with , "A man once told me... "

3. 




Father Goose Story No. 7



Once in a land far, far away there lived a group of people called
Trids.  The Trids were happy except for the huge ogre that lived
on the mountain.  The ogre would periodically terrorize the Trids.

The Trids tired of the ogre and sought to reason with him.  They thought
one of their religious leaders would be a good intermediary.  So a group
of Trids and their minister went up the mountain and before they could
even say one word the ogre kicked them down the mountain. Not being
dismayed the Trids thought that maybe the ogre was Catholic, so they sent
another delagation, this time led by the local priest.  But alas, as they
approached the ogre he once again kicked them all down the mountain.

The Trids were upset until they thought that perhaps the ogre was Jewish.
Unfortunately, no Trids were Jewish, so they wrote to the people of another
land and asked them to send a Rabbi to help them with the ogre.  The
Rabbi arrived and led a delegation of Trids up the mountain.  The ogre
saw them coming and kicked all of them, except for the Rabbi, down the
mountain.  The Rabbi, having been told of the previous expeditions, wondered
why he alone had not been kicked down the mountain, so he asked the ogre.
The ogre laughed and replied:

      "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"



4. 




A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable
cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.

On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good.

On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a hot
bath. As soon as he was finished bathing he was to throw open all the
windows and stand in the draft.

"But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia."

"I know," said his physician. "I can cure pneumonia."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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