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Today's jokes [12.25.13]

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Mr. Schwatrz goes to meet his new son-in-law to be, Sol. He says to Sol 
(who is very religious),
"So nu, tell me Sol, my boy, what do you do?
"I study the Torah," he replies.
"But Sol, you are going to marry my daughter, how are going to feed and 
house her?"
"No problem," says Sol, "I study Torah and it says God will provide."
"But you will have children, how will you educate them?" asks Mr. 
Schwartz.
"No problem," says Sol, "I study Torah and it says God will provide."
Mr. Shwartz goes home and Mrs. Shwartz, his wife, anxiously asks what Sol 
is like. "Well," says Mr. Shwartz, "he's a lovely boy, I only just met him 
and he already thinks I'm God."

1. 




Sarah was a curious thirteen year old girl. "Mommy," she said, "I'd like 
you to answer one question." "Very good," replied her mother, "I was 
wondering when you would become curious about birds, flowers and bees." 
"It's not that," said the girl. "I know all about screwing. What I would 
like to know is how to make lasagna." 


2. 




   There's a student in medical school who wants to specialize in sexual
   disorders, so he makes arrangements to visit the sexual disorder
   clinic. The chief doctor is showing him around, discussing cases and
   the facility, when the student sees a patient masturbating right there
   in the hallway.
   
   "What condition does he have?" the student asks.
   
   "He suffers from Seminal Buildup Disorder," the doctor replies. "If he
   doesn't obtain sexual release forty to fifty times a day, he'll pass
   into a coma."
   
   The student takes some notes on that, and they continue down the hall.
   
   As they turn the corner, he sees another patient with his pants around
   his ankles, receiving oral sex from a beautiful nurse.
   
   "What about him?" the student asks. "What's his story?"
   
   "Oh, it's the same condition," the doctor replies. "He just has a
   better health plan."
   


3. 




Sobel goes into the optometrist's office.
He opens the door and says to the receptionist, "I think I need my eyes
checked."
She says, "You're not kidding. This is the Ladies Room."

4. 




A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back to her 
place for the night. Her parents are out of town and this is the perfect 
opportunity. 
They get back to her house and they go into her bedroom. When the guy 
walks in the door, he notices all these fluffy toys. There's hundreds of 
them, fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the bookshelf and 
window sill, there's more on the floor, and of course fluffy toys all over 
the bed. 
Later after they've had sex, he turns to her and asks "So, how was I?" 
She says "Well ... you can take anything from the bottom shelf."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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