Today's jokes [12.23.13]
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Sign of drinking problem...
You shout, "I'm not as think you drunk I am."
Sent by JC
The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He's met by the
reception committee, and
after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad
He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of
the Holy Scriptures, and
spends the next eon or so learning the languages. After becoming a
linguistic master, he
sits down in the library and begins to pore over every version of the
Bible, working back
from the most recent "Easy Reading" to the original script.
All of a sudden there is a scream in the library. The angels come
running to him, only to
find the Pope huddled in a chair, crying to himself, and muttering,
"An 'R'! They left out
God takes him aside, offering comfort and asks him what the problem
is. After collecting
his wits, the Pope sobs again, "It's the letter 'R' ... the word was
supposed to be
A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love
and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going
to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm
going to marry."
The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women
into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for
He then says,"Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"
"I don't like her."
One evening after attending a concert, two men were walking down the
road when they
saw a well-dressed and attractive looking woman walking ahead of them.
One of the men
turned to the other and said, "I'd give 50 bucks to spend the night
with her." To their
surprise the woman overheard the remark. Turning round she said, "I'll
take you up on
that." She had good appearance and a nice body, so after bidding his
night', he followed her back to her apartment and they went straight
to bed. The following
morning the man presented her with 25.00. She demanded the rest of her
don't give me the remaining $25 I'll sue you for it." He laughed,
saying, "I'd like to see
you get it on those grounds!" The next day,he was surprised to receive
ordering his appearance in Court as Defendant in a lawsuit. He rushed
to his atorney and
explained the circumstances to him. His atorney said, "She can't
possibly get a judgment
against you on such grounds, but it would interesting to see how her
case will be
presented." After the usual preliminaries, her lawyer addressed the
court as follows:-
Your honor, my client this lady here is the owner of a fine piece of
property, a garden spot
surrounded by a profuse of luscious shrubbery, which she agreed to
rent to the Defendant
for a specified length of time, for an agreed upon sum of $50. The
possession of the property, used it extensively for the purpose for
which it was rented, but
upon evacuation of the premises he paid only $25; half the agreed
amount. The rent was by
no means excessive, even though it was restricted property, and we ask
granted against Defendant to ensure payment of the balance.The
Defendant's lawyer was
impressed and amused at the way his opponent had presented the case.
His defense was,
therefore, somewhat altered from the way he had originally planned to
Your Honor, my client agrees the young lady has a fine piece of
property,that he did rent
such property for a time, and a degree of pleasure was derived from
However, my client found a well on the property around which he placed
erected a pump, and sunk a shaft, all labor being performed by him
personally. We claim
these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the
unpaid amount and that the
plaintiff was more than adequately satisfied and compensated for the
rental of the said
property. We therefore ask Judgment not be granted.
The young lady's lawyer's comeback was this:- Your Honor, my client
agrees that the
Defendant did find a well on her property and that he did make
improvements such as my
opponent has described. However had the Defendant not known the well
existed, he would
not have rented the property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the
his stones, pulled out his shaft and took the pump with him. In so
doing, he not only
dragged his equipment through the shrubbery, leaving my client to do
the cleaning up, but
he left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, thus
making it very easily
accessible to little children. We therefore ask that Judgment be
SHE GOT IT!
for you girls...
Why is 88 better than 69?
You get 8 twice.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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