Today's jokes [12.22.13]
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The clerk showed the man the store's most expensive perfume.
"This is called 'Perhaps'," said the sales clerk. "It's $285 per
"Listen," the man shot back, "for $285 an ounce, I don't want
something called 'Perhaps'; I want something called...
"You Can Bet Your Sweet Ass You'll Get Some !!"
"What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?"
"Popeye beat the shit out of him!"
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He
stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes.
In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. "No
sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes," he
said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and
flattened the hump.
As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said,
handing him his pack of cigarettes. "I found them in the
hallway." "Now," she said, "if only I could find my gerbil."
Pilot to tower . . . pilot to tower . . . I am 300 miles from land . . .
600 feet over water . . . and running out of fuel . . .
please instruct! Tower to pilot . . . tower to pilot . . .
repeat after me: "Our Father, which art in heaven . . ."
Q. What do a hurricane, a tornado, and a
redneck divorce all have in common?
A. Someone's going to lose their trailer...
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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