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Today's jokes [12.18.13]

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Why is Chelsea Clinton growing up a confused child? 

Because dad can't keep his pants on and mom wants to wear 
them.

Sent by Nic

1. 




Q: Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters
   will improve your sex life?
A: Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything.


2. 




A business man got on an elevator in a building.  When he entered the
elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, 
"T-G-I-F"  (letters only).
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T" (letters only)."
She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again.
He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T."
The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said 
as sweetly as possibly "T-G-I-F" another time.
The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, 
"S-H-I-T."
The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T-G-I-F,
Thank Goodness It's Friday, get it?"
The man answered, "Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."



3. 




What did one gay sperm say to the other? 

     - I can't find my way through all this shit. 

4. 




A Polish family is sitting in the living room.

The wife turns to the husband and says, "Let's send the kids 
out back to p-l-a-y , so we can fuck."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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