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Today's jokes [12.14.13]

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When you go to the hospital how do you find the head nurse? 

     Look for the nurse with dirty knees and swollen lips! 

1. 




   Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher,
   indicating that
   "Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the difference between
   boys and girls,"
   and would his mother,"please sit down and have a talk with Johnny
   about this."
   So johnny's mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her
   bedroom,and closes the door.
   - first, johnny, I want you to take off my blouse.
   So he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.
   - ok, now take off my skirt...
   And he takes off her skirt.
   - now take off my bra.
   Which he does.
   - and now, johnny, please take off my panties.
   And when johnny finishes removing those, she says,
   "Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school any more!"
   


2. 




A rancher from Central Arizona died and went on to the Great Beyond. As he
approached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was bare with no
greenery. He remarked to the gate keeper, "Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this
looks just like Arizona." "The gatekeeper replied, "First of all, I'm not
Saint Peter...and second, you really don't know where you are at all, do 
you?"

3. 




   One day Johnny went to his father and asked him if he could buy him a
   $200 bicycle for his birthday.
   
   Johnny's father said, "Johnny, we have an $ 80,000 mortgage on the
   house and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Xmas"
   
   Xmas came around and Johnny asked again.
   
   The father said, "Well the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry
   about that. Ask me again some other time."
   
   Well, about two days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house
   with all his belongings in a suitcase.
   
   The father felt sorry for him and asked him why he was leaving. The
   boy said, "Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say
   that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you should wait because
   she was coming too, and DAMN if I'll get stuck with an $80,000
   Mortgage!"
   


4. 




Where does Peter Pan eat?

Wendy's

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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