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Today's jokes [12.13.13]

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A tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely 
three feet tall but they were attracted to each other.
After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman's 
apartment.
"I can't imagine what it will be like making love to a midget," 
said the woman, "especially with the size difference and all."
"Just take off your cloths, lie back on the bed, spread your legs 
apart and close your eyes," said the midget.
The woman did as she was told and soon she felt the biggest 
thing she'd ever experienced inside her.
Within a few minutes the woman had climaxed eight times.
"If you think that was good," said the midget with a smirk, "Just 
wait till I get BOTH legs in there!"

1. 




A guy was driving down the road in his Yugo during a thunder storm, when 
his windshield wiper broke. He drives until he comes to an auto body shop. 
He goes into the shop, walks up to the counter and says, "Excuse me,
but could you give me a windshield wiper for my Yugo?" The clerk leans 
against the counter and thinks for a while. Finally he says, "Sure...that 
sounds like a fair trade." 

2. 




Lee was known among his friends for the punctuality with which he sent
   his wife her alimony payment each month. When he was asked the reason
   for his haste he shivered and replied: "I'm afraid that if I should
   ever fall behind in the payments to that witch, she might well try to
   repossess me."


3. 




A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman.
After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "Can I smell your pussy?" 

The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "Certainly not!" 

"Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your feet, then." 

4. 




Q: Why do women bleed and get cramps every month?
A: Because they deserve it.


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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