Today's jokes [12.10.13]
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A man is giving evidence in court and the defendant's barrister asks him
"How far from the accident were you when it happened?"
He replied "36 feet, 2 and a quarter inches"
"Nonsence how can you be so precise"
"Well I knew some bloody fool would ask me so I measured it."
A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a
fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary
money. The booth operator at first refused to let him have a
turn, considering that his inebriated state would endanger the
public. But the drunk insisted and was given a gun.
He aimed unsteadily in the general direction of the target and
after tying to focus, pulled the trigger three times. The booth
owner, on inspecting the target, was astonished to see that he
had scored three bullseyes. The star prize for the evening was
a large set of glassware, but the showman was certain that the
drunk wasn't aware of what he had done, and gave him instead
a consolation prize, a small, live turtle. The drunk wandered
off into the crowd.
An hour or so later he came back, even more drunk than
before. Once again the showman demurred, but once again the
drunk insisted, and once more scored three bullseyes and was
given another turtle.
Eventually the drunk rolled up again and insisted on a third
attempt. Once more he picked up the rifle, waved it around in
the general direction of the target, and pulled the trigger three
times. Once more he had scored three bullseyes. But this time
there was an onlooker with good eyesight."That's fantastic", the
man said. "Hasn't he scored three bulls?"
The showman, cursing his luck, made a show of going over to
the target and inspecting it closely.
"Yes, sir!", he announced to the crowd. "This is fantastic!
Congratulations, sir, you have won the star prize, this
magnificent 68-piece set of glassware!"
"I don't want any bloody glasses", the drunk replied. "Give me
another one of those little crusty meat pies!"
"What's wrong, sonny?" asked the old timer sympathetically, coming over
to the little kid who was sitting on the curb, crying his heart out.
"I'm crying 'cause I can't do what the big boys do!" So the old man sat
down and wept too.
TOP TEN PROPOSED NEW DOMAINS
Earlier this week, Gregory Nemitz and a handful of space enthusiasts proposed creating special
domains, including ".luna" and ".moon," for Web sites based on the moon. He wasn't kidding:
And one of our "Ten laws the Net needs" involves a special ".xxx" domain for pornographic
sites. But why stop there? Here are some new proposed domains, and what you can expect from
the sites in them:
10. ".trek"--contains audio files of William Shatner
9. ".bill"--Microsoft has bought this company
8. ".love"--for people who would rather cuddle
7. ".slow"--based in a distant country with no T3 lines
6. ".geek"--assumes you know what all the acronyms mean
5. ".404"--we stopped maintaining our servers in 1996
4. ".y2k"--contains theories about the end of the world
3. ".burn"--huge multimedia files will crash your computer
2. ".*"--contains allegations about President Clinton's sex life
1. ".duh"--explains, in detail, stuff you already know
Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the season. Suddenly
Clinton grabs Hillary by the
collar and throws her over the side and onto the field. The stunned
umpire shouted, "No, Mr. President!
I said, Throw the first PITCH!"
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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