Today's jokes [11.6.13]
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The Hazards of Kicking the Cat
There was a little boy with a bad attitude. He was at home one day
doing his chores. He
was feeding the chickens and he got mad and kicked one across the
yard. He was feeding
the hogs and got mad and kicked the hell out of one of them also. He
was milking the cow
and it kept hitting him in the face with its tail so he kicked it,
too. His mom had been
watching him and told him he couldn't have any chicken, beef, or pork
for a month
because he was a mean little bastard. She told him to wait 'til his
dad got home. His dad
came home and tripped over the pussy cat and he got mad and kicked
that cat across the
room. The little boy looked at his mom and said, "Are you going to
tell him or am I?"
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at
first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come
once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee
twice. Then I come one lasta time.
"You foul-mouthed swine" retorted the lady idignantly.
"In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex?
I'm a justa tellin' my friend how to spell a 'Mississippi'."
There's a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy
with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher
says to the guy with a Chihuahua, 'Let's go over to
that restaurant and get something to eat.'
The guy with the Chihuahua says, 'We can't go in there.
We've got dogs with us.'
The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, 'Just follow my lead.'
They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman
Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk
in. A guy at the door says, 'Sorry, mac, no pets allowed.'
The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, 'You don't understand.
This is my seeing-eye dog.'
The guy at the door says, 'A Doberman Pinscher?' He says, 'Yes,
they're using them now, they're very good.'
The guy at the door says, 'Come on in.'
The guy with the Chihuahua figures, 'What the hell,' so he puts
on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.
The guy at the door says, 'Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.'
The guy with the Chihuahua says, 'You don't understand. This is
my seeing-eye dog.'
The guy at the door says, 'A Chihuahua?'
The guy with the Chihuahua says, 'You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?'
What do you call foreplay in Alabama?
'Hey sis, you awake?'
What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?
When the power goes off.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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