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Today's jokes [11.3.13]

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A man went to the doctor to get a physical, after
the doctor examined him, he told the man he had
some bad news... he had cancer and alzheimers.
The man replied, " Well, at least I don't have


Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a 
magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. 
"Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a
guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium." 
"Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine. 
Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?" 
"Absolutely not," he said. 
"How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not." 
"Season's more than half over," he said.


How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.


   God creates Adam, and soon Adam is complaining that he's all alone in
   the Garden of Eden.
   So God says, "Okay, I'll make you a companion, a beautiful creature
   who'll cook and clean for you. It will be able to converse
   intelligently on any subject, and never ever complain or argue."
   Adam says, "That sounds great."
   God says, "The only thing is, it will cost you an arm and a leg."
   Adam says, "Damn, that's expensive. What can I get for a rib?"


Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white 
stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't 
know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did 
and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other 
zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are 
what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black 
stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is." 


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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