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Today's jokes [11.26.13]

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   Nuns First Hot Dog
   Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to
   the other, "I hear
   that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her
   companion replies, "but if
   we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do."
   Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor
   and they both walk
   toward him. "Two dogs, please," says one. The vendor is only too
   pleased to oblige and
   he wraps both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a
   bench and begin to
   unwrap their 'dogs.' The mother superior is first to open hers.
   Staring at it for a moment,
   she leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously, "What part
   did you get?"
   


1. 




   What a rip-off. I went into our local bookstore and saw this huge
   display with a sign saying "Newly translated from the original French:
   37 mating positions." Noticing that the books were already wrapped in
   plain brown paper, I just hadda buy one.
   
   Once safely at home I opened it, out of sight of my wife, and found
   that I had just purchased an expensive book about Chess.


2. 




What's the difference between a lawyer and a
trampoline?

You should take your workboots off before
you jump on a trampoline.



3. 




An old man is sitting on the park bench crying. Another old
man sits down next to him and says, "Mister, what's the
problem?"
The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I've
got this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do is
make love from the moment I walk in the door till the moment
we go to sleep and then when we wake up again."
"So, what the hell is the problem?"
"Mister, you don't understand... I forgot where I live!"Another old
man sits down next to him and says, "Mister, what's the
problem?"
The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I've
got this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do is
make love from the moment I walk in the door till the moment
we go to sleep and then when we wake up again."
"So, what the hell is the problem?"
"Mister, you don't understand... I forgot where I live!"

4. 




The tri stages of sex in marriage-

  1.Tri-weekly 
  2.Try-weekly 
  3.Try-weakly 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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