Today's jokes [11.25.13]

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What's the difference between a pickpocket and a
                                  peeping tom?

One snatches watches and the other watches snatches!

At the card shop: A woman was spending a long time looking 
at the cards, finally shaking her head, "No." 

A clerk came over and asked, "May I help you?" 

"I don't know," said the woman. "Do you have any 'Sorry I 
laughed at your dick' cards?" 

   This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a
   problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know
   how to say one thing."
   
   "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to
   have some fun?' "
   
   "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to
   your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house
   and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I taught to
   pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop
   saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to
   praise and worship."
   
   "Thank you!" the woman responded.
   
   So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's
   house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and
   praying in their cage.
   
   The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the
   female parrots say, "Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some
   fun?"
   
   One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put
   the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"
   

Two guys were out hunting, but they weren't getting any ducks. 
"What do you think the problem is?" one man asked his companion. 
"I dunno," came the reply, "Maybe we aren't throwing the dog up high 
enough."

What is green, has four legs and smells like woman?

The white house's pool table

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