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Today's jokes [11.22.13]

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    "Sister Ann, aren't you putting on a little weight?"
   inquired Father Dan during his visit to the convent, suspiciously
   eyeing her bulging stomach. "Why, no Father," answered the nun
   demurely, "It's just a little gas."
   A few months later Father Dan put the same question to the nun
   noticing her habit barely fit across her belly. "Oh, just a bit of
   gas," said sister Ann, blushing a bit.
   On his next visit Father Dan was walking down the corridor when he
   passed Sister Ann wheeling a baby carriage. Looking in, the priest
   observed, "Cute little Fart!"


1. 




Man walks into a supermarket and buys :

1 bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube toothpaste
1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk
1 single serving cereal
1 single serving frozen dinner

The girl at the checkout looks at him and says "Single are you?"
The man replies very sarcastically "How did you guess?"
She replies "because you're ugly."



2. 




A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of 
a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to 
the girl, "If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat." 
The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. It is 
hot. The girl then takes out a fan and starts fanning herself. 

The woman looks up and says, "If you knew what I have, you 
would give me that fan." The girl gives her the fan, too.

Fifteen minutes later the woman gets up and says to the bus 
driver, "Stop, I want to get off here." The bus driver tells her he 
has to drop her at the next corner, not in the middle of the 
block. With her hand across her chest, she tells the driver, "If 
you knew what I have, you would let me off the bus right here." 

The bus driver pulls over and opens the door to let her out. As 
she's walking out of the bus, he asks, "Madam, what is it you 
have?"

The old woman looks at him and nonchalantly replies, 
"Chutzpah."

3. 




What do you call a line of blondes standing ear to ear?

                                         A wind tunnel.

4. 




There once was a priest who had to spend the night in a hotel
and offered hat check girl to come up to his room for dinner.
After a while he started advancing on her when she stopped him
and reminded him he was a holy man.

"It's O.K.," he replied, "it's written in the Bible."

So after a wild night of you-know-what the hat check girl asked
to see where in the Bible it says it's okay.

The priest picks up the Bible off the dresser opens to the
first page where someone wrote in pencil - "The hat check girl
puts out!" 

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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