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Today's jokes [11.15.13]

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Condom Modelling Rejection



                    TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY

                  6969 Slippery Root Drive
                    Droptrouser, NC 22269


Dear John Doe,

We regret to inform you that we have rejected your application to model 
and represent our product, TROJAN CONDOMS.

Although your general appearance is not displeasing, our Board of Directors 
feels that your wearing of our product in the advertisement does not portray 
a positive, romantic image for our product.  A loose baggy and wrinkled 
condom is NOT considered romantic.

We did admire your efforts to try and firm it up by using Polygrip, but even 
then it slipped off before we could get the photographs taken.  We would like 
to note, however, that yours is the first we've seen that looked like a 
bicycle grip.

We appreciate your interest and thank you for your time.  We will retain your 
application for future consideration, if by chance we decide that there is a 
market for micro-mini condoms.

We send greetings and our deepest sympathy.


Yours very truly,

Burley Dick, President
TROJAN CONDOM COMPANY, INC.

VD/abc

P.S. Remember our slogans:

Cover your stump before you hump.
Don't be silly, protect your Willie.
Never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.
Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.
If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it!



1. 




"We'd like a room, please," the bloke said, nodding toward his misses. "We 
were married this morning."
"Congratulations," the desk clerk said, "how about the bridal?"
"No thanks, just a room. I'll hold her by the ears until she gets the hang 
of it."

2. 




Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and 
a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban 
neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and 
worked their way to the other end. 

At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window 
watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his 
younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the 
truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady 
from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. 
They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men 
running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"

3. 




Age         Line

17         My parents are away for the weekend.
25         My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35         My fiancee is away for the weekend.
48         My wife is away for the weekend.
66         My second wife is dead.

4. 




I tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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