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Today's jokes [11.1.13]

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Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far 
away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send 
me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next 
month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it 
was some incidental expense. Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, 
and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going 
on. "Well," said the other brother, "you said to do something nice for 
Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo."


There was once a wide mouth frog. She had babies and she didn't know what 
to feed them. She went to the cow, talking with her mouth real wide, she 
said, "COW, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?" The Cow said, "I feed my babies 
milk." She went on to the horse. Talking with her mouth real wide, she 
said, "HORSE, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?" "I feed my babies hay." said 
the horse. Finally she came to a snake. Talking with her mouth real wide, 
she said, "SNAKE, WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BABIES?" The snake said, "I feed 
my babies wide mouth frogs." So the frog said, with her mouth really 
small, "Oh, is that so." 



What did the drummer get on his IQ test? 



   A blind man is standing at the corner with his seeing eye dog waiting
   to cross the street,
   when his pooch lifts his leg and pisses down the side of his nice
   herringbone tweed
   trousers. The guy immediately reaches into his jacket pocket and
   retrieves a doggie biscuit
   which he starts to offer to Fido.
   A businessman, who is also waiting to cross the street, observes this
   happening and
   interrupts, "Excuse me buddy, but are you aware of the fact that your
   dog just pissed all
   down the leg of your pants?"
   "Yes, I'm trying to break him of this dreadful habit", replies the
   blind man.
   "Well, it's none of my business," says the onlooker, "but you're not
   going to teach him
   much by rewarding him with a biscuit!"
   To which the blind fellow chuckles, "Oh I'm not rewarding him. I'm
   just trying to find his
   head so I can kick his ass!"


If Apple made toasters...
It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years
earlier. The toast would make a little smiley face at you when
it popped up, or else it would get stuck and there would be a
little picture of a bomb burned onto it. If they break, these
toasters would require a special set of MacToaster Tools to
even open up. Worldwide market share would only be 5%, but all
the bread in school lunches would be exclusively toasted on
the MacToaster.


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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