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Today's jokes [10.7.13]

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As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, 
"And what would you like for Christmas?"

The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a 
minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"

1. 




   My wife and I were watching some TV show the other nite where the wife
   hired a private detective to follow her husband and see if he were in
   fact "cheating" on her. I asked my wife if she would ever do that.
   
   She said, "Well not so much to find out who the other woman was, but
   to see if I could find out what she saw in ya."


2. 




The Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air
Force fliers about crazy Army paratroopers jumping out of 
perfectly good aircraft.  "Obviously the Air Force knows there's
no such thing as a 'perfectly good aircraft,'" the irritated 
officer finally countered one afternoon, "because they pay 
you bastards four times as much to stay in one as the Army
pays its men to jump."

"You've got it all wrong, Major," an Air Force sergeant 
replied.  "The Army figures anyone stupid enough to jump 
out of an airplane voluntarily is gonna be too dumb to bitch
about the salary."

3. 




Here's one about the old native American who wanted a loan for 
$500. The banker pulled out the loan application, "What are 
you going to do with the money?" 

"Take jewlery to city and sell it," was the response. 

"What have you got for collateral?" 

"Don't know collateral." 

"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of 
the loan.Have you got any vehicles?" 

"Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup." 

The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?" 

"Yes, I have a horse." 

"How old is it?" 

"Don't know, has no teeth." 

Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several 
weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a 
roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said. He then handed the banker 
the money to pay his loan off.

"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?" 

"Put in teepee." 

"Why don't you deposit it in my bank," he asked. 

"Don't know deposit." 

"You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. 
When you want to use it you can withdraw it." 

The old Indian leaned across the desk, "What you got for 
collateral?"

4. 




Father Goose Story No. 9



   Once there was a King who was loved by all of his subjects, especially
because of the hunting excursions he shared with them.  As will happen,
one day he died and his eldest son took the throne.  Now this new king
was an animal-lover to the core, and immediately outlawed all forms of
hunting and fishing.  His subjects accepted this for only a short time
before they ousted him.  This is a truly significant event, because it's
the first time a reign was called on account of the game.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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