Today's jokes [10.6.13]
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At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women:
Defendant: "Your Honor, I wish to change my plea."
Judge: "Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to
change your mind?"
Defendant: "No sir, when I pleaded Not Guilty I didn't know
there would be women on the jury. Since I can't even fool my
wife, I'll never be able to fool the four women jurors."
Three guys are in a plane, lost in fog, and they don't know
where they are. The first guy says "I'll find out" and puts
his arm out the plane, then brings it back in and says
"We're just over Paris"
"How do you know" ask the others
"Well I've just felt the top of the Eiffel tower."
Later on the second guy tries and says "We just flew over London"
"How?" asks the others
"Well I've just felt the top of Big Ben"
Still later on the last guy tries it, puts his arm out the
plane, and says to the others "We have just flown over Glasgow."
"How do you know that?" comes the reply.
"Because some bastard has just stolen my watch"
A wealthy man sat in his attorney's office.
"Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?"
the lawyer asked.
"Give me the bad news first."
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" the man asked incredulously.
"I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"It's of you and your mistress."
The local courtroom was packed as testimony began in the
sentencing hearing of a woman convicted of murdering her
husband of 20 years by poisoning his coffee.
The defense attorney knew he had his work cut out for him
trying to make his client appear more sympathetic to the
Judge, especially since she had been so "matter-of-fact"
about the whole thing all during the trial.
"Mrs. Roth," he began, "was there any point that morning
where you felt pity for your husband ?"
"Well... yeah... I guess..." she replied.
"And when was that?" pressed the attorney.
"Well...," she replied, "when he asked for his third cup."
Two Kentucky hillbillies happened to meet in town. "How're
thangs with y'all, Pete?" one asked.
"Not bad atall," Pete replied. "My old woman ain't talkin'
to me thiseyer week...and I ain't in no mood to interrupt her."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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