Today's Jokes  |  Archives  |  Lists  |  Random  |  Register  |  RandJoke on Your Page  
 


Today's jokes [10.29.13]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.


Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant?
A: When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an
             undertaker. 

1. 




A man tried to sell his neighbour a new dog. "This is a talking dog," he
said. "And you can have him for five dollars." The neighbour said, "Who do
you think you're kidding with this talking dog stuff? There ain't no such
animal."
Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. "Please buy me, Sir," he
pleaded. "This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me,
never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest trick dog in
America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated ten
times."
"Hey!" said the neighbour. "He can talk. Why do you want to sell him for
just five dollars?" "Because," said the seller, "I'm getting tired of all
his lies."



2. 




WHY IS AN IMPOTENT MAN LIKE A CHRISTMAS TREE?

-THEY BOTH HAVE BALLS FOR DECORATION

3. 




At the Russian War College, the general is a guest lecturer and tells 
the class of officers that the session will focus on potential problems 
and the resulting strategies. 
One of the officers in the class begins by asking the first question, 
"Will we have to fight a World War Three?" 
"Yes, comrades, looks like you will," answers the general. 
"And who will be our enemy, Comrade General?" another officer asks. 
"The likelihood is that it will be China." 
The class looks alarmed, and finally one officer asks, "But Comrade 
General, we are 150 million people and they are about 1.5 billion. 
How can we possibly win?" 
"Well," replies the general, "Think about it. In modern war, it is 
not the quantity, but the quality that is the key. For example, in the 
Middle East, 5 million Jews fight against 50 million Arabs, and the Jews 
have been the winners every time." 
"But sir," asks the panicky officer, "Do we have enough jews"?

4. 




Q. What's better than roses on your piano ?
A. Two lips on your organ ...


5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read

Today's Stories
Today's Poems
Today's Quotes
Today's Funny Pic

 October '13 Jokes Issues:
S  M  T  W  Th F  St
      1  2  3  4  5  
6  7  8  9  10 11 12 
13 14 15 16 17 18 19 
20 21 22 23 24 25 26 
27 28 29 30 31 

Jump to  



For any questions or comments email us at info@jokes2go.com
Copyright© SpekGY, Inc, 1998-2016. All rights reserved.