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Today's jokes [10.26.13]

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   With the divorce rate so high in America, a new organization has been
   formed called "Marriage Anonymous." Whenever a guy feels like getting
   married, they send over a woman with crulers in her hair, cream on her
   face and wearing a torn housecoat to nag him out of it.


1. 




Q. What do you call a Marine with an IQ of 160?

A. Platoon

2. 




An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into the
nurses' office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died.
Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful decided to play
along with him. "It did? I'm sorry to hear that," she replied.
Two days later, Mr. Smith was walking down the halls at the nursing home
with his penis hanging outside his pants. Nurse Jones saw him and said,
"Mr.Smith I thought you told me your penis died".
"It did" he replied; "today is the viewing"

3. 




What are the three words you don't want to hear while making love?

"Honey, I'm home!" 

4. 




Q: Why did Mike Tyson learn to bite ears?

A: How else do you tell a 275 pound inmate that "no means no"?

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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