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Today's jokes [10.23.13]

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What do you call a man with his right hand in a sharks mouth?

Lefty. 

1. 




A young woman on a rough Atlantic crossing was in her
cabin undressing then suddenly she was overcome by sea
sickness. In a panic she rushed into the corridor and
headed for the bathroom. It was not until she collided
with an elderly gentleman that she realized she didn't
have a stitch of clothing on. Horrified, she let out a
shriek. Her fellow sufferer looked at her sadly.
"Don't let it bother you, miss," he moaned. "I'll never
live to tell anyone." 

2. 




A profoundly ugly girl went to the psychiatrist.
"My life is a mess, doctor," she began, "I am so
fucking hideous that no one will associate with
me, touch me, or even talk to me. Can you help?" 

"Why, certainly! Helping people feel much better
about themselves is my area of expertise. I can
start making you feel more confident about your
appearance right here and now." 

"Oh, I am so grateful! What should I do first?"
she asked. 

"First things first. Just walk over to the other
side of the room and lie face down on my couch." 

3. 




Work Environment: 
(Wise manager) + (Wise employee) = PROFIT 
(Wise manager) + (Dumb employee) = PRODUCTION
(Dumb manager) + (Wise employee) = PROMOTION 
(Dumb manager) + (Dumb employee) = OVERTIME

4. 




Q: Did you hear about the Jewish Santa Claus?
A: He comes down the chimney, wakes up the children and says,
"Hey kids, do you want to buy some toys?"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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