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Today's jokes [10.20.13]

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What can Calista Flockhart do with dental floss?

                         Hang herself.

1. 




How do you make a cat drink?

1 cat
2 lemons
Vodka
Mix then serve

2. 




One day this old man was about to have sex with a young girl which he did 
not know. The old man began to put on his condom when the young girl asked 
him why is he putting one on. She said "you don't have to worry about 
getting me pregnant because you are too old and you don't have to worry 
about catching anything because you are going to die pretty soon anyway". 
The old man continued to put on his condom he then looked up at the girl 
and said, "young girl the reason I am putting on this condom isn't because 
I am afraid of getting you pregnant or catching anything. I just like the 
scent of burning rubber."

3. 




Why do Black widow spiders kill there mates after mating?

To stop the snoring before it starts..



4. 




A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist. 
"I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are
complaining that they can never reach me." 
Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?" 
Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did
the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car." 
Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?" 
Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet." 
Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?" 
Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving
around, my zip code keeps changing."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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