Today's jokes [10.2.13]
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One day in school, the teacher wanted her kids to go through the
alphabet and give a word that started with each letter. She started
Dirty Ernie was waving his arm higher than all the other kids. She
didn't want to call on him, because he was a pervert and always said
She called on Betty instead. Betty stood up and said "Apple".
"Very good, Betty! Next is the letter 'B' ." Again, Ernie was waving
his arm as high as he could, but she picked Andy instead.
"Excellent, Andy! How about 'C' ." Ernie was almost having a seizure
he was waving so hard. The teacher picked Billy, still afraid of what
Ernie would say.
"Great job, Billy!"
She continued going through the alphabet, never calling on Ernie. When
she got to 'R', Ernie was the only child waving his arm. She thought
to herself and couldn't think of anything too bad that started with
'R' so she said, "OK Ernie, give me a word that starts with 'R' ."
Ernie stood up straight, smiled and yelled, "RATS!!!! BIG FUCKING RATS
WITH COCKS THIS FUCKING LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What is the last thing Jesus Christ said to the Teamsters?
"Don't do anything 'till I get back."
The doctor looked at the woman who had come to him for an examination.
"Mrs. Brown, I have some good news for you."
The woman said, "I'm glad to hear that doctor, but I'm Miss Brown, not
"Oh. Well, in that case Miss Brown," said the doctor without changing
expression, "I have some bad news for you."
"That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the
landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker," the
housewife told a neighbor.
"You didn't do it, did you?"
"I have to admit I did -- though with certain misgivings, I might
add. What I haven't done, though, is tell my husband the rent
is paid up for six months!"
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-
law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke
to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted
on them both trying to find her mother.
The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and
started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they
came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up
against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood
The wife cried, "What are we going to do?"
"Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into
this mess, let him get himself out of it."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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