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Today's jokes [10.16.13]

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Whats worse than shit on Olivia Newton Johns face?

Cum on Eileen.

1. 




Lady Di is welcomed at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. 
Peter asks: "Oh dear, what happened to you?" 
Di answers: "I died in a car crash, but wait till you see my friend, 
he looks much worse". 
Half an hour later Dodi shows up and St. Peter says: "My God, 
you look terrible."
Dodi replies: "This is nothing. Wait till you see my driver."
Half an hour later some bones and flesh move slowly to the Gates, 
and St. Peter says: "So you're the driver?"
"No, I'm Mother Theresa. 

2. 




Why do gays eat refried beans on Saturday night? 

So they can take a bubble bath Sunday morning.

3. 




One day Mongo is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing
him there, decides to investigate.
"Whatcha doin?" he asked. Mongo replies, "My goldfish died and I'm burying 
him."
"That's an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain't it?" asked the neighbor. 
Mongo shot back, "That's because he's inside your fuckin' cat!' 

4. 




   An elderly couple in a senior's home used to visit the recreation room
   everyday. While
   there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys's
   penis. One day she goes
   down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another
   women holding his
   penis. "What's she got that I don't have" she says. He looks up with a
   large smile on his
   face and replies "Parkinson's"
   


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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