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Today's jokes [10.15.13]

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A wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet 
down saying, "Don't unleash the beast in me."

The wife snickered and replied, "Unlike a lot of women, 'dear', 
I'm not the least bit afraid of a mouse."

1. 




What goes "click click, Is that it?, click click, Is that it?" 

     Steveie Wonder doing a rubik's cube 

2. 




Four married guys go golfing.  During the 4th hole the following
conversation took place:
First Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out
golfing this weekend.  I had to promise my wife that I will paint every 
room in the house next weekend."

Second Guy:  "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build
her a new deck for the pool."

Third Guy:  "Man, you both have it easy!  I had to promise my wife that I
will remodel the kitchen for her."

They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has
not said a word.  So they ask him, " You haven't said anything about what 
you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend.  What's the deal?"

Fourth Guy:  "I just set my alarm for 5:30a.m., When it goes off, I shut 
off my alarm, give the wife a budge and say, 'Golf Course or Intercourse?'  
So she says, "Wear your sweater."

3. 




Two priests are off to the showers late one night.
They undress and step in the showers before they
realize there is no soap. Father John says he has
some soap in his room and goes to get it, not
bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap in
his hands and heads back to the showers. He gets
halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns
heading his way. Having no place to hide, he
stands against the wall and freezes like he's a
statue.
The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls his
dick. Startled, he drops a bar of soap.
"Oh look," says the 2nd nun... "A soap dispenser."
To test her theory she also pulls his dick...and
sure enough he drops the last bar of soap. The
third nun then pulls, first once, then twice and
three times. Still nothing happens. So she tries
once more and to her delight she yells...
"Look, hand cream!"

4. 




Back in the turn of the century in a mining town out west,
a woman walked into a saloon.  Suddenly she realised that
she was not in the general store so she started to turn
around and leave.  As she was doing this, a drunk cowboy
seated at the bar noticed her and said to the woman, "Come
on over, Ma'am, sit yerself down right here next to me and
have yerself a drink.
"Thank you kindly Sir, but I'm afraid that I couldn't,"
replied the woman, "on account that I need to get bread."
The cowboy replied, "Uh, Ma'am, I do reckon you came to the
right place for that!"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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