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Today's jokes [10.12.13]

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   IBM Memo about Peripheral Replacement
   This is an actual alert to IBM Field Engineers that went out to all
   IBM Branch Offices. The person who wrote it was very serious. The rest
   of us may find it rather funny.
   Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit) Mouse
   balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate
   or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement.
   Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse
   balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.
   Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the
   underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than
   foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon
   manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the
   pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced using the twist-off
   method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However,
   excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of
   ball replacement, the mouse maybe used immediately.
   It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for
   maintaining optimum customer satisfaction, and that any customer
   missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these
   necessary items.


1. 




Upon returning to their car from a shopping tour, one of the young ladies 
realized that she had forgotten to stop at the pharmacy for her birth 
control pills. She rushed into the nearest pharmacy and gave her 
prescription to the pharmacist. "Please fill this immediately," she asked. 
"I've got people waiting in my car!" 



2. 




A husband said to his wife
"Get your coat on love, it's time to go to the pub."
She replied "But you NEVER take me out."
"I'm not," said the husband,
"but I'm turning the heating off before I go."

3. 




Name:______________________________  SOCIAL SECURITY
No:____________________
ADDRESS:___________________________
CITY:__________________________________
STAFF ELEMENT:_____________________  HOME PHONE
No.:________________________
MALE:___________ FEMALE:___________  OFFICE PHONE
No.:______________________
SEXUAL PREFERENCE: Male - Female
                   Female - Female
                   Male - Male
                   All of the Above
                   None of the Above - Please Specify:
_____________________
I CONSENT TO THE FOLLOWING FORMS OF SEXUAL HARRASSMENT:
Salutatory Greeting: _____________________
Eye-to-Eye Contact: ______________________
Eye-to-Bust Contatct: ____________________
Eye-to-Below Waist Contact: ______________
Heavy breathing on neck: _________________
                   ear: __________________
                   other: ________________
Hands on body: ___________________________
         shoulder: _______________________
         waist: __________________________
         Gluteus Maximus: ________________
         other: __________________________
Feelies: _________________________________
Gropies: _________________________________
Penetration (however slight): ____________
Other: ___________________________________
All of the Above: ________________________
MISCELLANEOUS:  I WILL          I WILL NOT
1.  Assist in procurement of various potions, lotions, products,
appliances,
    etc. to be used during sexual harassment.
2.  Assist in procurement and maintenance of various types of substaining
    apparatus.
3.  Clean up.
I CERTIFY THAT I WILL ACCEPT SEXUAL HARASSMENT FROM:
Anyone: __________________________________
Anyone But: ______________________________
Only: ____________________________________
SIGNATURE: _______________________________________ DATE:
____________________
This form is to be reviewed by immediate supervisor annually, prior to
performance rating and evaluation.

4. 




What's the definition of AIDS?

Anally Injected Death Sentence. 

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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