Today's jokes [1.3.13]
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What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm...
Way down in the deep south, in an area known as the 'Bible Belt,'
there lived a Baptist minister with a very large congregation. One
morning, after a particularly moving sermon, he announced, "Friends I
have been hearing very nasty rumors!"
The crowd fell into an expectant silence. The Minister continued,
"One of you, here among us, has been reporting that I am a member of
the dreaded 'Klu Klux Klan.' This, of course, is not true! I am
asking that the guilty party confess and apologize now - right here
- before my flock of loyal followers."
A young woman quickly stood up blushing and trembling and pled,
"Preacher, please, I don't know how this all came to be. I just
mentioned to one of my close friends that you were a wizard under
One day in school, the teacher wanted her kids to go through the
alphabet and give a word that started with each letter. She started
Dirty Ernie was waving his arm higher than all the other kids. She
didn't want to call on him, because he was a pervert and always said
She called on Betty instead. Betty stood up and said "Apple".
"Very good, Betty! Next is the letter 'B' ." Again, Ernie was waving
his arm as high as he could, but she picked Andy instead.
"Excellent, Andy! How about 'C' ." Ernie was almost having a seizure
he was waving so hard. The teacher picked Billy, still afraid of what
Ernie would say.
"Great job, Billy!"
She continued going through the alphabet, never calling on Ernie. When
she got to 'R', Ernie was the only child waving his arm. She thought
to herself and couldn't think of anything too bad that started with
'R' so she said, "OK Ernie, give me a word that starts with 'R' ."
Ernie stood up straight, smiled and yelled, "RATS!!!! BIG FUCKING RATS
WITH COCKS THIS FUCKING LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
A doctor fell into a well once.
He learned to tend to the sick and leave the well alone.
A guy runs out of a Las Vegas hotel and says to a stranger, "Can you
loan me two hundred bucks? My wife had a terrible accident."
The stranger says, "If you need two hundred dollars, what are you
using to gamble with?"
The guy replies, "Oh, I've got gambling money."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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