Today's Jokes  |  Archives  |  Lists  |  Random  |  Register  |  RandJoke on Your Page  
 


Today's jokes [1.3.13]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.


What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm...



1. 




Way down in the deep south, in an area known as the 'Bible Belt,'
there lived a Baptist minister with a very large congregation.  One
morning, after a particularly moving sermon, he announced, "Friends I
have been hearing very nasty rumors!"

The crowd fell into an expectant silence.  The Minister continued,
"One of you, here among us, has been reporting that I am a member of
the dreaded 'Klu Klux Klan.'  This, of course, is not true!  I am
asking that the guilty party confess and apologize now - right  here
- before my flock of loyal followers."

A young woman quickly stood up blushing and trembling and pled,
"Preacher, please, I don't know how this all came to be.  I just
mentioned to one of my close friends that you were a wizard under
the sheets."

2. 




One day in school, the teacher wanted her kids to go through the
   alphabet and give a word that started with each letter. She started
   with 'A'.
   
   Dirty Ernie was waving his arm higher than all the other kids. She
   didn't want to call on him, because he was a pervert and always said
   bad things.
   
   She called on Betty instead. Betty stood up and said "Apple".
   
   "Very good, Betty! Next is the letter 'B' ." Again, Ernie was waving
   his arm as high as he could, but she picked Andy instead.
   
   "Butterfly."
   
   "Excellent, Andy! How about 'C' ." Ernie was almost having a seizure
   he was waving so hard. The teacher picked Billy, still afraid of what
   Ernie would say.
   
   "Caterpillar."
   
   "Great job, Billy!"
   
   She continued going through the alphabet, never calling on Ernie. When
   she got to 'R', Ernie was the only child waving his arm. She thought
   to herself and couldn't think of anything too bad that started with
   'R' so she said, "OK Ernie, give me a word that starts with 'R' ."
   
   Ernie stood up straight, smiled and yelled, "RATS!!!! BIG FUCKING RATS
   WITH COCKS THIS FUCKING LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
   


3. 




A doctor fell into a well once.
He learned to tend to the sick and leave the well alone. 

4. 




   A guy runs out of a Las Vegas hotel and says to a stranger, "Can you
   loan me two hundred bucks? My wife had a terrible accident."
   
   The stranger says, "If you need two hundred dollars, what are you
   using to gamble with?"
   
   The guy replies, "Oh, I've got gambling money."
   


5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read

Today's Stories
Today's Poems
Today's Quotes
Today's Funny Pic

 January '13 Jokes Issues:
S  M  T  W  Th F  St
      1  2  3  4  5  
6  7  8  9  10 11 12 
13 14 15 16 17 18 19 
20 21 22 23 24 25 26 
27 28 29 30 31 

Jump to  



For any questions or comments email us at info@jokes2go.com
Copyright© SpekGY, Inc, 1998-2016. All rights reserved.