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Today's jokes [1.28.13]

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The doctor had just completed his examination of the
gorgeous redhaired beauty.
"I would suggest to you, young lady," began the medic,
as he regained som of his professional dignity,
"that you discontinue some of your running around.
Stop drinking so much, cut down on your smoking, and
above all you will have to start eating properly and
getting to bed early." 
Then, as a pleasant afterthought, he added: "Why not
have dinner with me tonight? I'll see to it that you
have the proper food and that you'll be in bed by 9:00!"

1. 




WARNING! PLEASE READ IMMEDIATELY! 

THIS IS SERIOUS! If you get an envelope from a company called the Internal 
Revenue Service," DO NOT OPEN IT! This group operates a scam around this 
time every year. Their letter claims that you owe them money, which they 
will take and use to pay for the operation of essential functions of the 
United States government. This is untrue! The money the IRS collects is 
used to fund various inefficient and pointless social engineering 
projects. This organization has ties to another shady outfit called the 
Social Security Administration, who claim to take money from your regular 
paychecks and save it for your retirement. In truth, the SSA uses the 
money to pay for the same misguided make-work projects the IRS helps 
mastermind. These scam artists have bilked honest, hard working Americans 
out of billions of dollars. Don't be among them! FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO 
EVERYONE YOU KNOW!

2. 




A woman gives birth to twins, a girl and a boy.
Her husband isn't there, and she doesn't want
to name them without him seeing them first. But
the hospital insists that the babies must be
named by the end of the day. Crazy Uncle Louie
overhears this and he names them (unbeknowst to
the couple). Later the husband arrives, and the
happy couple are set to name the babies when a
nurse informs them that Uncle Louie already took
care of that. "Oh no!" they cry. "He's crazy and
doesn't know what he's doing. What names did he
pick?" The nurse says, "Well, he named the girl
Deniece." "Whew, not bad. In fact, that's nice.
And how about the boy?" "Denephew." 

3. 




A young woman on a rough Atlantic crossing was in her
cabin undressing then suddenly she was overcome by sea
sickness. In a panic she rushed into the corridor and
headed for the bathroom. It was not until she collided
with an elderly gentleman that she realized she didn't
have a stitch of clothing on. Horrified, she let out a
shriek. Her fellow sufferer looked at her sadly.
"Don't let it bother you, miss," he moaned. "I'll never
live to tell anyone." 

4. 




How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?

He doesn't know when to come in

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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