Today's jokes [1.25.13]
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A black guy walks into a tavern with a parrot on his shoulder...the
bartender looks up and says " where the hell did you get that thing?
The Parrot replies " Over in Africa, there's millions of them " !!!!
Two guys of limited intelligence were on a ship that sank in the
middle of the ocean. They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and
grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped below the surface.
After floating under blazing heat for 6 days they ran out of food and
water. On the 10th day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst
and starvation, they spotted a small object floating toward them in
the water. As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an
oil lamp (the kind the genies come in).
They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it. "POOF" out popped a tired old
genie who said "ok.. so you freed me from this stupid lamp, yadda,
yadda, yadda. But hey, I've been doing this 3 wishes stuff for a long
time now and quite frankly, I'm burned out. You guys get only ONE
wish and then I'm OUTTA here. Make it a good one". The first guy,
without hesitation or thought blurted out, "Give us all the beer we
can drink for the rest of our lives!!!" "Fine" said the genie, and he
instantly turned the entire ocean into beer.
"Great move Einstein!" said the second guy, slapping the first guy
in the head. "NOW we're gonna have to piss in the BOAT!"
What can Calista Flockhart do with dental floss?
Magnussen goes to a marriage counselor and says, "My wife isn't as much
fun as she used to be."
The marriage counselor says, "Do you still enjoy a roll in the hay?"
Magnussen says, "As much as the next fellow."
The counselor says, "Maybe between you and the next fellow, she's
If K-Tel sold toasters...
They would not be available in stores, and
you would get a free set of Ginsu knives.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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