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Today's jokes [1.23.13]

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Q: How many men does it take to mop the floor?
A: None, it's a women's job


1. 




   The day after a man lost his wife in a boating accident, he was
   greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.
   
   "We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have
   some information about your wife."
   
   "Well, tell me!" the man said.
   
   The policeman said, "We have some bad news, some good news and some
   really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"
   
   Fearing the worst, Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."
   
   So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but this morning we
   found your wife's body in San Francisco Bay."
   
   "Oh my god!" said Mr. Wilkens, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering
   what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?"
   
   "Well," said the policeman, "When we pulled her up she had two
   five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness crabs on her."
   
   "If that's the good news than what's the great news?!" Mr. Wilkens
   demanded.
   
   The policeman said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow
   morning."
   


2. 




Q.  what do you get when a chicken cross the road falls in the dirt and then rec
rosses
A. a dirty crosser

Sent by Corey

3. 




A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around 
the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable 
at all. 
On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he 
found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking 
confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as 
possible and then busied himself with desk work. 
When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and 
stapled the tie to his chest. 
Discipline was not a problem from that day forth!

4. 




What did the priest say to the nun when he screwed her?

"The holy pole is in your hole so wet your ass and save your soul."

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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