Today's jokes [1.21.13]

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Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?

     So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo. 

Q: Why was Raggedy Ann thrown out of the toy store?

A: She was caught sitting on Pinocchio's face and shouting
   "Lie lie lie!"

   This rich couple were going out for the evening when the woman of the
   house decided to
   give the butler the rest of the night off. She said they would be home
   very late and he
   should just enjoy his night. Well, as it turned out the wife wasn't
   having a good time at the
   party, and came home early.As she walks into the house she sees Jeeves
   sitting by himself
   in the dining room. She calls for him to follow her. She leads him
   into the master bedroom,
   where she closes and locks the door. She looks at him and smiles.
   "Jeeves. Take off
   my dress." He does this carefully. "Jeeves. Take off my stockings and
   garter." He
   silently obeys her. "Jeeves. Remove my bra and panties." As he does
   this, the tension
   continues to mount. She looks at him. "Jeeves. If I ever catch you
   wearing my clothes
   again, you're fired!"
   

Little Harry walks in the bathroom and sees his mum with no clothes on, 
standing in front of him, he looks up at her private parts he asks
"What's that mum ? " His mum frozen tried to think what to say, finally 
she came up with the following, "That's where your dad accidentially hit 
me with an axe!" and little Harry replies, "Good shot, right in the CUNT!"

   There was a large nuclear accident and one of the worlds largest
   cities was totally
   destroyed. There were millions of people dead it was a real tragedy.
   With that many people
   of course things got backed up at the pearly gates, where they have to
   interview everyone.
   The people were lined up for miles. Then at the front of the line a
   large cheer went up, and
   there was much rejoicing. Of course the people at the back of the line
   were curious about
   what was happening. Finally one man stepped out and called toward the
   front of the line,
   "what's going on?" Someone called back "They ain't gonna count
   fucking."
   

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