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Today's jokes [1.18.13]

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Two priests are off to the showers late one night.
They undress and step in the showers before they
realize there is no soap. Father John says he has
some soap in his room and goes to get it, not
bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap in
his hands and heads back to the showers. He gets
halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns
heading his way. Having no place to hide, he
stands against the wall and freezes like he's a
statue.
The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls his
dick. Startled, he drops a bar of soap.
"Oh look," says the 2nd nun... "A soap dispenser."
To test her theory she also pulls his dick...and
sure enough he drops the last bar of soap. The
third nun then pulls, first once, then twice and
three times. Still nothing happens. So she tries
once more and to her delight she yells...
"Look, hand cream!"

1. 




Three newly incarcerated convicts are discussing how they
will pass their time in jail.
The first one pulls out a harmonica and says "I can play
all my favorite songs on this."
The second takes out a deck of cards. "I can play poker
with myself with these."
The third gets out a box of tampons. "Well, it says on here
that with these I can go swimming, horseback riding, cycling, ..." 

2. 




Coach Bowden was talking to the newest player on the team.
"It's fantastic the way you strike the line, dodge, tackle and 
weave through your opponents."
Luke was a shy fellow, but blurted out, "I suppose it all 
comes from early training, sir.  You see, my mom used to take me 
shopping with her on sale days."

3. 




What is a Blondes favorite nursery rhyme? 

Hump me dump me 

4. 




Two men were stopped by a TV newswoman doing street
interviews about the upcoming presidential primary election.

"I'm not voting for any of the candidates," the first man said.  "I
don't know any of them."

"I feel the same way," the second man said.  "Only I know
them all."



5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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