Today's jokes [1.11.13]
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The new metro cop pulled a speeder who was zipping down Maple Avenue.
"Can I see your license and registration, bub?", the cop inquired.
"But officer," the fellow started, "I can explain..."
"Shut yer trap, bub!" snapped the officer. "You're going downtown
and sit a while till the sarge gets back."
"But, officer, I think you really should know..."
"And I said to shut yer trap! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the cop looked in on his prisoner and said,
"Lucky for you that the sarge is at his daughter's wedding.
He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," shot back the sap in the cell. "I'm the groom."
TREBEK: The category is "Political Subversion". The answer is: This
entity is dedicated to the destruction of religion, morality, and the
American way of life.
PLAYER: What is the KGB?
TREBEK: Be more specific.
PLAYER: What is PBS?
One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to
female cat being raped by a mouse. Fascinated by what he saw, the man
mouse's confidence with some cheese and then took him next door. The
his amazing performance by raping a German Sheppard. The man, very
excited by this,
was dying to show someone his discovery. He rushed home and woke up
his wife but
before he could explain, she saw the mouse, screamed, and covered her
head with the
blanket. "Don't be afraid, darling," said the man. "Wait until I tell
you about this."
"Get out of here!" cried his wife. "And take that sex maniac with
Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that
an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no
other animal in the world does this.
Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.
"Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah.
The neighbours' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went
"ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say "FUCK
OFF!", the dog ate him!"
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local
church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem--my husband keeps
falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I
will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to
you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the
In church the following Sunday, Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the
preacher put his plan to work. "And who lay made the ultimate sacrifice
for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister.
Soon, Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed.
"Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards
"God!" Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling.
Before long, Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister
did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with
the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him
his last son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned
thing in me one more time and I'll break it off and shove it up your ass!"
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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