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Today's jokes [1.1.13]

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On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic 
light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. 

The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa 
bring that to you?" 

The kid says, "Yeah." 

The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on 
that bike." 

The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety 
violation ticket. 

The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, 

"By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring 
that to you?" 

Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." 

The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick 
underneath the horse, instead of on top."


Father Goose Story No. 7

Once in a land far, far away there lived a group of people called
Trids.  The Trids were happy except for the huge ogre that lived
on the mountain.  The ogre would periodically terrorize the Trids.

The Trids tired of the ogre and sought to reason with him.  They thought
one of their religious leaders would be a good intermediary.  So a group
of Trids and their minister went up the mountain and before they could
even say one word the ogre kicked them down the mountain. Not being
dismayed the Trids thought that maybe the ogre was Catholic, so they sent
another delagation, this time led by the local priest.  But alas, as they
approached the ogre he once again kicked them all down the mountain.

The Trids were upset until they thought that perhaps the ogre was Jewish.
Unfortunately, no Trids were Jewish, so they wrote to the people of another
land and asked them to send a Rabbi to help them with the ogre.  The
Rabbi arrived and led a delegation of Trids up the mountain.  The ogre
saw them coming and kicked all of them, except for the Rabbi, down the
mountain.  The Rabbi, having been told of the previous expeditions, wondered
why he alone had not been kicked down the mountain, so he asked the ogre.
The ogre laughed and replied:

      "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"


A girl sat sobbing in the police station. "I was raped by an Italian."
She wailed.
"How do you know it was an Italian? The detective asked.
"I had to help him," the girl replied.


Hoffman and Puscas are bombed, watching the St. Patrick's Day Parade, when 
one of them drops his lit cigarette into a damp mattress that's been left 
out on the sidewalk.
The mattress starts to smoulder just as the blue-hair brigade, the Ladies' 
Auxiliary, is passing by. Hoffman takes a whiff, turns to Puscas, and 
says, "Man... ou think maybe they're marching these ladies too fast?" 


The Teacher tells the class they are going to play a game,
she will describe an object and the students will tell her
what she had described.

Teacher: "The first object is Red, Round, and has a stem." 
Timmy: " I know what it is, it's an apple." 
Teacher: "That's right, I like the way you're thinking." 
"OK the next item is round, has a peel, and you eat it."
Christopher: "I know what it is, it's an orange." 
Teacher: "That's right, I like the way you're thinking." 
Johnny: "Can I try, Teacher?" 
Teacher: "Yes Johnny, but, Keep it clean!" 
Johnny sticks his hands in his pockets and feels around for a
second, and says "My object is round, hard, and has a head on it." 
Teacher: "Alright Johnny, go to the office!" 
Johnny: "No Teacher, it's a quarter, but, I like the way you're thinking!" 


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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