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Today's jokes [9.9.12]

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The company sergent is briefing the recruits:

"For the next ten weeks the commanding officer will be your father,
and I will be your mother. Incidentally we are not married, so you
know what that makes you..."

1. 




Just wanted to check out that you gnarly dudes are using the latest and
greatest software technology fer yer rad code to make it easy for the
dudes who have to read it.  The hip new way to write readable C
code involves the use of a few simple defines.


#define like {
#define man ;}
#define an ;
#define SayBro /*
#define CheckItOut */


SayBro like, this is some rad program, so CheckItOut

like
    a = b
         an
    c = d
man

SayBro , like who needs help from them compiler choads anyway?
THIS is the way to write CLEAR code.  I mean really!  CheckItOut

like SayBro this is ShellSort straight out of the white book, but in
a readable form.

CheckItOut man

#define YoDude for(
#define OK     )
#define is     =
#define AND    &&
#define as
#define Do
#define long
#define some
#define make
#define garbage
#define FAROUT

shell(v, n) SayBro sort v[0]...v[n-1] into increasing order CheckItOut
int v[], n;

like int gap, i, j, temp;

YoDude gap is n/2 an as long as gap > 0 Do some garbage an make gap /=2 OK
    YoDude i is gap an as long as i < n Do some garbage an make i++ OK
        YoDude j is i - gap an as long as j >= 0 AND v[j] > v[j+gap] Do some
            garbage an make j -= gap OK
            like
                temp is v[j]      an
                v[j] is v[j+gap]  an
                v[j+gap] is temp
            man
FAROUT man

SayBro like, B there OB square!  CheckItOut



2. 




"Will the father be present during the birth?"
asked the obstetrician.
"Nah," replied the mother-to-be,
"He and my husband don't get along."

3. 




Three women were sitting at a bar having a few drinks.
After a while the conversation started turning a little
rude and crass. Soon the women were getting louder and
they were arguing about how wide their snatches were.
(This happens all the time.) 
The first woman got up on the bar, lifted her leg,
grabbed a baseball bat and slid it home. 
All the people in the bar were watching, hooting and
hollering, throwing money. 
Five minutes later the second woman got up, lifted her
leg, grabbed a bowling ball and slid it in. 
People were going ballistic. 
Finally the third women very casually got up on the bar
and asked for a quarter. She slid it in..... and the
jukebox starts playing. 

4. 




Two old friends from the mountains ran into each other at the
local bar. One said, "Heard ya went to the big city Jeb." His
friend replied, "Yep. Even tried me out one of those 'loose
women' ya always hear about." "You don't say." said the first
man. "Bet that was costly." "Nope." Jeb smirked. "Kinfolk."at the
local bar. One said, "Heard ya went to the big city Jeb." His
friend replied, "Yep. Even tried me out one of those 'loose
women' ya always hear about." "You don't say." said the first
man. "Bet that was costly." "Nope." Jeb smirked. "Kinfolk."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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