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Today's jokes [9.27.12]

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A child at a Christian school was studying the early days of Mormonism in 
his class. He wrote on his paper,
"The early Mormons believed in having more than one wife. This is called 
polygamy. But we believe in having only one wife. This is called monotony"

1. 




Mick was sitting at the pub telling his mate Harry about a disturbing 
thing that happened the night before.
"Last night I came home from the pub pissed as a tick, so I hopped into 
bed and started feeling up me missus. After a few strokes of her firm arse 
she got aroused and then we fucked like bunnies for about two hours.
Like I do every time after a fuck, I leaned over and turned on the light, 
lit up two cigarettes and went to pass one to the trouble 'n' strife. 
Rubbing me weary eyes I realized that I'd accidentally walked into my 
eight year olds daughter's room by, and worse still she was on the 
swimming team and didn't smoke.

2. 




This redneck gets married, but on his wedding night he doesn't know what
to do. He's fumbling around for a while, but finally his wife gets fed up
and says, "Jeb, ya big idiot! Yer s'pposed to take that thing you play
with and put it where I pee!"

...So he got his bowling bowl and threw it in the outhouse!

3. 




A whole gaggle of Jewish ladies at a party were discussing the problem
of one of their daughters, who looked very much as though she were 
planning to marry a Gentile boy. Everyone was disturbed about it, and I
could not help interrupting.
   "Why not?" said I. "Let her marry a Gentile boy. I'm all in favor of
Jewish girls marrying Gentile boys."
   "Why?" chorused the women.
   And I said, "Because why should the Jewish boys have all the bad
luck?"

4. 




A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly 
stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's 
absence after so many years of faithful attendance the Rabbi 
went to see him. 

He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How 
come after all these years we don't see you at services 
anymore?"

The old man looked around and lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, 
Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to 
take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. 
So I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about 
me, and I don't want to remind Him!"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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